When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
