Emergency jokes

Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"

My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

Why can't a blonde call 911?

She can't find the 11.

Me: Calls 9-1-1.

Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?

Me: *hangs up*

Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.

When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.

So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)