Emergency jokes
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)