Person: I broke my arm in three places
Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.
What’s the difference between 911 and a abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled "dose anyone know CPR" i said "i know the whole alphabet"everyone laughed and laughed well everyone except one.
Obama, Trump and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children! Trump Screw the women and children! Clinton: Do you think we have time...?
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom and you look at your friend cause it’s the kid you predicted
What does it sound when a dragon sings? A fire alarm
Its embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down, lucky enough the super market is just round the corner.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke
You’ll be all right
i called the suicide hotline and he suggested i drew on myself to distract myself. i replied id get ink poisoning
wouldnt recommend the police came
When the school shooter says "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant. So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
The 911 people really dint scramble fast enough so they got folded like and omelet
A lady runs into a police station and yells "help, help". I've been graped then a police officer says "Do you mean raped". The girl then replies "No there was a bunch of em".
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
Stop making 911 jokes they don't land so well.
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the colour of 911?
Plane.
What is the fasted way to see 911?
Plane.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
whats the fastest way to get to the hospital? stand in the middle of the road
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
