Education jokes

What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?

You've got a lot of problems!

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

Why was the kid's report card all wet?

Because it was below "sea" level.

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.

I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.

A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.

The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"

Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.

What's black and white and red all over? An American School.

Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?

Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.

Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?

Because that's the average classroom size.

I teach orphans.

But the problem is I can't give them homework.

Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.

When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?

Why do special ed classes have fans?

To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

Where do pedophiles go hunting?

Elementary schools.