Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
Are u from tEnESeEE cuz I eAt AsES
One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
I saw a bear eating a duck.
It was unBEARable.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
Have a sink in your house? Eat it.
Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.
Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.
...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4
Bra eat E.T.?
What does Stephen hawking eat for his breakfast lunch and dinner
His shoulder
