Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.
Eating Jokes
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
Have a sink in your house? Eat it.
Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.
Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.
...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4
Bra eat E.T.?
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?
Some desert!
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
How do you eat a meat?
You steak it in your mouth.
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.
I eat ass.
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
