Eating jokes
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
This joke is so corny I could eat it off the cob.
Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.
Why are Asians good at math?
Because the dog can’t eat their homework.
My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.
I am so disappointed in this race.
Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?
She doesn't eat pigs.
What's black and eats Kitty?
Serval cancer.
Why do physically disabled gay men like performing blowjobs on well-endowed, abled-bodied gay men?
Because physically disabled gay men prefer eating pepperoni than eating sausage links for dinner 🍽
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
You know how Joe Biden is happy?
When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"