Eating jokes
Why can’t blind people eat fish? Because it’s sea food.
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"
"He died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."
(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
Why did oozy go to the toilet to eat trains?
Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.
Nah, they eat emo meals.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
Why are fat people fat? Because they eat like Indians eating curry, except fat people eat many more portions.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
What kind of food does a lesbian love? Anything they can eat out.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.