Dying jokes

Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”

And then you die inside.

What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...

I think Jesus is broken.

What happens when Stephen Hawking dies? Windows plays the shutdown music.

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?

"Windows Shut Down."

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because there was a power cut.

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

How did the orphan die?

Of sadness.

The real reason Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.

My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.

An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.

"I will see her in one week!"

A week later, he died.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.

These jokes make me want to die.

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!