What was David Bowie’s last hit?
Probably heroin.
Why did the Duck go to rehab?
Because he was a Quackhead.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
I wanna see Stephen Hawking on nitrous.
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
A Mexican opens a pharmacy in CA. What’s he selling?
Drugs.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
My life.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
