Drug jokes

What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?

My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭

You're snorting cocaine with your buddies. Your eyes are closed, feeling the bliss of drugs, when suddenly something wet touches your nostril. Your buddy Mark stuck his PENIS in your face. You look up at Mark, and he says, "I'm sorry," and runs away, his pants still down.

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

I bought drugs today.

Method Man: Yo what’s crackin’?

ODB: Yep

What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.

How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

What if little Johnny was doing drugs?

"Johnny, Johnny?"

"Yes, Papa?"

"Eating sugar?"

"No, Papa..."

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

"Just say no to drugs!"

Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"

I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."

My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.

Yo mama so stupid, she brought weed to the highway. Then she realized, "I'm not stupid, I was just high as a bitch." She just got fucked so hard by her man, she thought she was high.

Knock knock.

Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.

Grim Reaper who?

The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.

Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?

Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.