Drug Jokes

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Why don't stags buy drugs? Because they are too deer.

Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?

Pot wheels.

What's a duck's favorite drug?

Cwack.

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition or addictionary.

Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.

Read this:

Crack

What did you think of? A window crack or the drug?

What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?

A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.

So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!

What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!

Pussy = drugs.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?

A: Because it was on crack.

What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?

ONESY.

“Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.

What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?

A quack head!

My mom must be a duck then...

Read this word:

Heroine.

Did you read it like the drug or like a female superhero?