Drown jokes

Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?

Yeah, it went on and on.

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"

People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.

He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.

If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

Do depressed people hate swimming?

They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.

How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.

How do you save your wife from drowning?

Take your foot off her neck.

Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?

What do you call a Punjabi that’s drowning? Mandeep.

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

Some dude: Water you thinking?

Me: You're drowning in my head.

Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids drowning.

What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?

Getting the water bill.