Drink

Drink Jokes

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.