Drink

Drink Jokes

Wine

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Benefit

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

Time

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

Water

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

Bar

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

Battery

A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."

Pub

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

Sprite

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

Beetle

A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"

Dye

I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.

Soda

A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"

Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.

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  • Death

    What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.