Drink Jokes

What is an army member's top drink?

WARter.

A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."

What's a boxer's favorite drink? A punch. 🥤🥤

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Big tits.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"

I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.

Chuck Norris orders his coffee black, without water.

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"

Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.

What goes in small and soft?

And comes out big and hard?

A tea bag.

The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.

What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.