Drink jokes
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
Why can't I drink tea??
Because I laugh too much. TEEEEEHEHEEE
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar... no, I'm just kidding.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
How do you call Doom guy that drinks Monster Zero? Boom guy!
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
A polar bear walks into a bar, asks the barman, “A pint of lager................. and a packet of crisps.”
The barman asks, “Why the large pause?”
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso!!! LOL XD XD XD
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despesso.
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."
The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.