Drink jokes
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
"Fosters."
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."
I am glass! People see right through me.
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.
Why is drinking soda so sad?
It's soda-pressing.
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
What is a superhero’s 🦸♀️ favorite drink?
Fruit punch!
A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."
Who said that?
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
UwU
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!