Downing jokes

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

What do you say to a depressed special kid?

“Why so down?”

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

Call me an elevator, because I let people down.

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.

Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?

Because it has a tender behind.

Why don't women parachute naked?

That annoying whistling sound on the way down.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"

Why was the snowman smiling?

Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.

Yo mama so fat, she is 4 feet tall laying down.

Why does the sky think it's so powerful?

Because it's always looking down on us.

Why did the carrot roll down the hill?

Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom.

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"