DoS Jokes

What do you call an angry Texan?

A Confederate leader.

Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”

“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”

Here comes the sun Do Do Do Do

A black and white photograph shows an atomic bomb resting on a metal frame in a bunker. The bomb is cylindrical with a square tail fin, and wires are attached to its side. There is also a spare tire standing next to the bomb.

How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Tortilla chips.

what do you call a terrorist attack in india?

a wednesday.

What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

What do you call a midget with autism?

A weetard.

What do you call a lost Indian woman? Ms. Singh.

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?

The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.

What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

Why do orphans play GTA? Because they want to feel wanted.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?