DoS jokes
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Do you know how to make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"
Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"
Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.
So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
Memes
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?
Optimistic.
What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.