DoS jokes

What do apples and depressed kids have in common?

They both hang on trees.

Teacher: Where's your homework?

Student: At home...

Teacher: What's it doing there?

Student: Having a better time than me.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the Fresh prints.

What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!

Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?

A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.

Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?

Because he can’t do stand-up.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come home.

What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?

Boi Ling.

Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?

A: Cuatro Cinco.

How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

A straw.

What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

What do food and dark humor have in common? Some people don’t get it.

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh.

What do you call a Chinese millionaire?

Cha ching.

Q: What do orphans call a family reunion?

A: Me time.