DoS jokes
Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
What do you call an Asian prostitute?
Suck Mi Dong.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
Memes
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
What do you call two Mexicans fighting? Juan on Juan.
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.