DoS jokes
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Memes
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
What do you call two Mexicans fighting? Juan on Juan.
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
What do you call an Asian prostitute?
Suck Mi Dong.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A: A stump.