DoS Jokes

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"

Dad: "Ask your sister."

Girl: "I don't have a..."

Why do feminists eat so much pussy?

To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.

Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?

How do you avoid getting raped? Never say no.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

what the dawg doing

A pug sits on a toilet seat. Text overlay says, "Sorry, I pugged the toilet."

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came home with the milk.

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?

A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

What do you call an emo filming their suicide?

America's Funniest Home Videos.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

Do you know Imagine Dragons?

Yeah.

Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?

A blender.

You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!