DoS jokes
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
FIRST DATE
Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."
Memes
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
How do you avoid getting raped? Never say no.
What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."
I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came home with the milk.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.