DoS jokes

What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.

At a date:

He: "I work with animals every day."

Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

He: "I'm a butcher."

Why do orphans have water in their cereal?

Because their dad never came home with the milk.

Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!

How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.

What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

How do you win an argument against an emo?

Kick the chair!

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide Squad!

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

Why do orphans play Sims?

Because they can make themselves a family.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.

Why do orphans hate dodgeball?

Because nobody misses them.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?

Panera Bread.

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.

What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.