Dont jokes

What's an emo's favorite game?

Limbo.

(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."

For all of my musicians out there!

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."

Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?

X is always 10.

What do orphans call their parents?

Unicorns because they don’t exist.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

How is the world like dirt?

Because we don't think twice about it.

Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.

The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”

Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."

The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"

"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."

"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"

"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."

"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"

"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."

"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

Orphans maybe got phones, but they don't have a home button.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.