Dont jokes
Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.
Orphan: I don’t have parents.
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
I don't want to date an alien.
Your momma is so fat, she doesn't need Wi-Fi, she is already worldwide!
Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!
Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.
Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Why is an orphan good at being naughty?
Because they don't have no one to tell them off.
I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.
Don't adopt people, or else your parents are gonna say you're ACTUALLY adopted, k thx. No jokes anymore, bye.
Why do guys hold their ball sack when they run?
Because they don't have titties.
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?
What the difference between cats and dogs? They dont have one both taste good
A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
Me: "What are you doing??"
Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"
Me: "I don't know."
Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"
Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"
Don't bully kids.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."