Dont jokes
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
Please take this down, it's not funny at all!
It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
Dear algebra,
I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
Some people don't appreciate what I do for a living.
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