Dog jokes
What is the difference between babies and dogs?
I don't eat dog parts.
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
Dog.
Down syndrome people are like dogs.
Prove me wrong.
What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?
Only the taste.
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
Q: Why couldn't the queer wist eating his hot dog?
A: Because it tasted like shit.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him for a drag.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
What did a cat say to the dog?
"I will kill and eat you hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehheehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheeehehehehehehehe"
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words to her husband?
"You feed the dog, I’ll feed the fish."
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.