DOE jokes
A fact! I think I'm officially a poo-buster, as the plunger does look like the weapon in "Ghostbusters"!
What store does an orphan hate?
Family Tree.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
Why does Stephen Hawking need some screens?
He needs to win those Fortnite tournaments and get to Champions League.
Why does your mom hate you?
Because you are a loser.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
So, three guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank.
The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man.
The second one goes for his uncle's vault because screw that son of a b***h; he’s rich, why does he need all the money? But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephew's neck.
The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought, “Well, that b***h can suck my d**k; she’s so poor anyway, who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness?” So he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day, the third guy's ex showed up to his house and said, “I’m gonna f*****g murder you,” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house.
In hell, the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked, “You know, I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house, why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said, “B***h, I don’t know, maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already.”
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
How does the cheetah do in every race?
It’s always a cheetah.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
Where does cotton candy come from? The cotton pickers!