DOE jokes
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
What does the F in "orphan" stand for?
"Family," but there is no F.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
What does e equal?
I don’t know, a bunch of random numbers, but e=mc2.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Shin-gles!
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover his butt-quack.
Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
Why does Kermit like Miss Piggy covered in honey? Because he likes sweet and sour pork.
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!