DOE jokes
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
What vehicle does a frog 🐸 drive?
The Beetle!
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
What does Meg do when she gets a cold sore?
She bathes in diarrhea.
What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a train tunnel?
A train tunnel doesn’t get any wider when you rail it.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?
None, he fell.
Q: Why does an orphan do badly at Baseball?
A: Because they can't find home.
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.