DOE jokes
What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Survival Guilt.
What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?
“You got nice buns!”
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Memes
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
Q: Why does Michael Jackson live in a Barbie world?
A: ♫He's made of plastic, it's fantastic!♪
What do the initials FEMA stand for?
Federal Erection Management Agency.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
What does an Arab prostitute say?
"Bomb my pussy!"
Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.
Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.
1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?
2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?