DOE Jokes

Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.

Mom: "Okay, any questions?"

Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."

Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."

What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?

John fucked them both in the rear.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

An irrel-elephant ;)

What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?

Survival Guilt.

What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?

“You got nice buns!”

this meme had me thinking

A yellow minion with a confused expression stands to the right of a list of questions titled 'INTERESTING CONFUSIONS'. The questions include: Can you cry under water? Do fishes ever get thirsty? Why don't birds fall off trees when they sleep? Why is it called building when it is already built? When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it? If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches? Why does round pizza come in square box? Why doesn't glue stick to its bottle? The text ends with 'Crazy world isn't it?'

How does the author of Harry Potter get around?

She walks, JK, Rowling!

What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?

"Here's the beef of the week!"

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?

What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?

Someone gets hurt.

What do the initials FEMA stand for?

Federal Erection Management Agency.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?

Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."

How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"