DOE jokes
What store does an orphan always get kicked out of?
Home Depot.
Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?
Neither does he.
Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.
What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?
Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
Where does Spider-Man keep his pictures?
On a website.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to? Roosters don't lay eggs.
How does he go for a poo? He logs out.
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.