DOE jokes
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Depends on how hard you throw them.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?
Because homing missiles don't work on them.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
Why does my brother have no mom?
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says, "moo moo."
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
How does a skeleton call his friends?
On the tele-bone!
What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.
Why does an emo wish they were a fish?
Because they're underwater.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
What does a gay horse eat?
Heyyy!
How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?
She closes the car door.