DOE jokes
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
Memes
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
Why does Yoda like to get molested? Because he likes the Force.
What does Micheal Jackson and a rock have in common?
They are both hard.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
How do parents punish their blind kid? They move the bed.
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw them.