DOE jokes

If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?

Up your ass.

Where does a girl with one leg work?

IHOP.

How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?

4!

One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"

How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?

It depends on your speed.

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

Bully: "You are so stupid!"

Classmate: does nothing.

Bully: "Oi, I'm talking to you!"

Classmate: "Oh, you're talking to me? I thought you were talking to yourself."

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second-hand store.

What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?

The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.

How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.

Why does nobody talk to the letter G?

Because it's always in the middle of awkward!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

Why does the cannibal village not exist anymore?

They all ate each other.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?

"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"

How does a computer spell "Autocorrect"?

Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?

Nein, nein, nein!