DOE jokes
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
How does he go for a poo? He logs out.
How many degreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees does Billy Corgan have?
1979.
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
The Chinese food owner always brings us free food. I ask my sister why he does that. My sister said, "Love him long time."
I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.
My sister said to me "I love him long time."
How does the bunny keep his fur neat?
With a hare brush.
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
What runs but does not walk? It's water.
So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
What does a homeless man call his mother?
Useless.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.