What does Stephen Hawking eat?
DOE Jokes
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
How does water say hi?
It waves.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
Why does the sky think it's so powerful?
Because it's always looking down on us.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
What does a baby banana call her mum? Na na, get it? Instead of ma ma.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?
HO HO HO
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, either. It depends on how hard you throw them.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
What does NASA stand for?
Neil Armweak Sorry Armstrong.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.
