DOE jokes
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
What type of bird does not have feathers on itself?
A bald eagle.
Dumb kid: What does homework mean?
Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?
Me:
"Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
What does a pillow say when you live for a week? "Don't forget me!"
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
What does a rain cloud wear under her dress?
Thunderwear.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.