DOE jokes
Dumb kid: What does homework mean?
Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?
Me:
"Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
What does a pillow say when you live for a week? "Don't forget me!"
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
What does a rain cloud wear under her dress?
Thunderwear.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
Why does Job have an Area 51 head? Because his head is the shape of a 🦖.
Why does Wet have a big head? Because he got hit by a wetaroid!
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.