Doctor jokes
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
Q: What do you call a rich Asian? A: Dr.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.