Doctor jokes
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.