A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
“I need to go to the doctors!” “*Why?*” “it has a crack in it”
Sally had (69) boobs witch was (2,2,2) many (69222)so she went to the doctor on (51)st street ( 6922251) whom gave her pills she took (x8) times a day and now she is boobless
why did go to the chiropractors? to get his spine fixed
What do you call a cat with a live in doctorz?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly I took one shot puffed through my pipe and jumped in the air on a trampoline I woke up in heaven. I asked an angel how did I die you? "Well little monkey you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head your mom called the doctor and doctor said you were dead.
I have cancer the doctor said I have 3 days to live but I was like fuck it and killed him the jury said I have life in prison I shouted yes he said thank you you saved my life
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.” Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me”
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
doctor: I will deliver the baby right away Dad: I would the baby to have a liver
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said “Celsius.”
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A Fizzician.
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh don't worry, mine too!!
Asian kid : I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math. Me : That’s what I call a orphan!
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
My willy was feeling itchy so I decided to go to the doctor. My doctor was foreign, and spoke Spanish with and Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU
One time a kid came to the hospital and said “I really need help”, the kid said he was really hot so the put an ice cold towel on him. Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems and he said “yes I am really hot” and the doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said “are you sure, you look amazing” and the kid said that he ment to say I look hot!
Doctor: congratulations!!! Women: was it a successful delivery? Doctor: no it’s DiGiorno!
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
