Disabled jokes

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.

Man, I loved that wheelchair.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.

Why can't blind people eat fish?

Because it's sea food.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of disabled children.

Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!

Mom: Exactly.

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.

I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.

How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?

The wheelchair floats to the top.

I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

"Boxing?"

"No, ... hurdles."