I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
