Disabled jokes
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."