Disabled jokes
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
you.
Why can't blind people eat fish? Because it's sea food.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
Why can’t the blind man find love?
It’s called love at first sight.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball.
Where do people with no legs go to have fun?
Legnoland.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.