Disabled jokes
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!
Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
How did Stephen Hawking die? He lost Wi-Fi connection.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?
A. System of a Down's syndrome.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.