Disability jokes
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.