Disability jokes
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
What do Communism, Socialism, Feminism, and Fascism all have in common?
They are all disabilities.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.