Disability jokes
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
What do Communism, Socialism, Feminism, and Fascism all have in common?
They are all disabilities.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.
They called the song “Helen Keller.”
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
What did John say to little Timmy? Happy Disable day!
I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.