Disability jokes
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
What do Communism, Socialism, Feminism, and Fascism all have in common?
They are all disabilities.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.