Disability jokes
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."
I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"