Disability jokes
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a door, and a staircase.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?