Disability jokes
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a door, and a staircase.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.