Die jokes

So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"

There's something special about cemeteries.

People are dying to get inside.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Windows didn’t update in time.

How did Steven Hawking die?

He forgot his log on password.

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

Why did he die?

Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.

What did they do with his body when he died?

They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??

He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper

What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?

A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.

Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To die.

When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.

The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.