Die jokes
How did Stephen Hawking actually die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection.
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
Why did the roach talk to the man? To die.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Somebody threw an EMP at him.
Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
Stephen Hawking died because he rolled too far from the outlet.
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Why did Steward die in the toilet?
He saw his Undercut in the mirror.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.
Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?