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Die jokes

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

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    • If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

    You also can't breathe if you die.

    So why isn't it debreathiation?

    Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

    Stephen Hawking didn't die, he got sucked up by the black hole then got sent to the large charger in the sky.

    How did Stephen Hawking die?

    He didn't have enough room for any more RAM on his motherboard. I feel so bad for saying that!

    On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."

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    • What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

    A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

    Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

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