Die

Die Jokes

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won't ever see my dog again! Italian: I won't ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?

So 3 guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank. The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily, and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man. The second one goes for his uncles vault because screw that son of a b***h he’s rich why does he need all the money. But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephews neck. The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought “well that b***h can suck my d**k she’s so poor anyway who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness” so he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day the third guys ex showed up to his house and said “imma f*****g murder you” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house. In hell the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked “you know I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said “b***h I don’t know maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already”

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Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.

Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy”

And then you die inside

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle Apollo says "if you eat that buffet everyone you love will die". Up yours the man said what are they going to die of famine. Moments later there was a incident that took place in the restaurant everyone literally died. it turn the restaurant had a B-. I said is that really a thing groaning on the hospital. The doctor said know that is your condition you hepatitis B-.

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus Dying also in laughter.

I am sick and tired of horror movies it is always the stupid ones that die first. when you see a guy in a dark bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; Don't scream run.

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"