Die jokes
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:
"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."
....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.
RIP Meh Soul.
Some bread teacher: What will Reddit be in a few years?
Dumb Kid: DEADit?
Bread Teacher: You get an FY for FUCK YOU!
Bread Teacher: It will be BREADit!
Student: Hah, that's VERY funny! Might as well go to DEADit so I can die of laughter.
If Jeffy goes to an orphanage, he will die. How is he supposed to move?
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <:
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
Stephen Hawking did not die; he deleted himself.
I’m going to be scared of diesel.