Die jokes
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?
Why did Queen Elizabeth II die? She forgot to heal after all those storms.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?
No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!
Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
Me: 911. You: You died 9/11.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His PC overheated.