Didnt jokes
Your hairline is so far back that I didn’t know you had a hairline.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.
I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?
Because there were only 20 of them.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
Why didn't the opening photo actually have a pic of sex on it? I have always wanted to see porn, too bad I have parents and a school Chromebook.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Your forehead is so big, Humpty Dumpty didn’t want to fall off!
Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.
But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.
I told this man to rev his vehicle.
Didn't know wheelchairs can't rev.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
I went to the shops and still didn’t find Lucy’s dad.
I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.
Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.
Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.