Didnt jokes
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.
You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the Lysol didn't kill.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.
Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"
A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"
Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."
Genie: Poof!
Tom: It didn't work.
Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.
Once there was a man. A man who had a butt.
Once he was at this job interview and he was going to get the job, but just before the boss was going to hire him, he farted. It was a really bad one. It was 47 minutes long and so loud the windows rattled. When it was over, the man screamed and jumped out the window.
He didn't get the job.
Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!
"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."
Love y'all so much!
I didn’t realize I had to put jokes into categories, my bad.
Unleash the jokers...👍
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."