Didnt jokes
I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.
You know, for his sake.
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!
Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Why didn't Trump beat Biden?
Because he couldn't trump that bitch!
Donald Trump didn't build a wall because he likes going to islands to touch little girls.
Donald Trump didn't even finish the wall. He should have hired Mexicans to do it!
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
Why didn't the Twin Towers order cheese pizza?
They like pepperoni, not plane!
Me: You know your parents were very good people.
Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.
Me: I know, you're an orphan.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.