Dick jokes

What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?

My dick.

Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.

It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.

What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?

Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.

Why did the female dicktator get fired? She had too much dick!

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

Stephen Hawking doesn’t have a dick; he has a microchip.

What is a dirty minded Harry Potter fan's favorite spell before the deed? Dickus Embigus!

What's the difference between Monday and a dick?

They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

What's the best cheese in the world?

Dick cheese.

6 looks like someone facing up.

9 looks like someone facing down.

69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.

Have you heard of China...

China fit this dick in your mouth.

Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?

Batman: A dick.

Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!

What did God say when he made the first woman?

"Where is your dick at?"

1 like = 1 small dick whiny conservative in my blender.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.