Di jokes

Your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it!

Roses are red, violets are violet,

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot!

The parents used to hit him.

His parents got into a car crash and died.

He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"

Why did the mailman die?

Because everyone dies.

As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"

Man dies.

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.

Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?

My dad was a great pilot...

He died in 9/11.

Question: Do you know who Candis is?

Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?

Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.

My grandpa died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot.

You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.

Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.

Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.

Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.

There were three men, and two of them died.

The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"

My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”