Di jokes

The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far from the wall. The cord unplugged.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, he got nailed before he died!

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.

What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?

A black alien.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Hitler was the most handsome man alive.

Everyone died for him.

One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.

Me: Knock knock.

My Grandma: Who’s there?

Me: Interrupting cow.

My Grandma: Interrupting c-

[Dies from heart attack]

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.