Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."