Di Jokes

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning? It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "everytime someone lies, it ticks once, Mother Terresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, " Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best piolot in iraq

Student: a plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left? Teacher: 203 Student: how do you put an elephant in the fridge? Teacher: You can't Student: yes you can, open fridge door put elephant in. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Teacher: open door put in giraffe? Student: no, take out elephant put in giraffe. The lion king is having a party, who isn't there? Teacher: let me guess, the lion Student: no the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge. Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how? Teacher: she stepped on the alligators? Student: no the alligators are at the party, Sally dies anyway, how? Teacher: she frowned? Student: no, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.

What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?

*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning, he ate 12 year old nuts and a 13 year old wiener

#1 Man : pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20

#2 Man : My son Died at level 4

#1 : Lol, Your son is a noob

My grief counselor died, he was so good, I didn't even care.

My grandpa died in 9/11 he crashed a plane

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose. She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

I asked a emo kid if they are jealous because their phone died before them.

The man was dangling by a string! ... I was jealous the day he died

My dad died in the 9 11 attack he was a good pilot

When I die I what to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or," You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

Did u know a erasor on a pencil slowly dies of your mistakes and did u know your actually supposed to live for 25 min but every time u breath resets time